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Sep 18, 2018

5 Steps - How to get a Japanese girlfriend

Hello. I'm Kosuke!

In this article, let's discuss how to get a Japanese girlfriend!

I will speak about it based off of my 28 years experience in Japan...

1. Introduction

I wrote this article because I saw many posts on Facebook, which said "I want a Japanese girlfriend".

I am glad because they are interested in Japanese people.

However, I thought posting that kind of thing on the Facebook page is not an effective way to achieve it.

I am not an expert on how to make a girlfriend.

However, I have two little sisters.
Of course, my mother is a Japanese woman.
Also, almost half of my friends are Japanese women because I lived in Japan for 28 years...
And I've had some Japanese girlfriends...

I hope sharing my opinion is helpful for you to achieve your goal effectively.

Before thinking about how to get a Japanese girlfriend, let's check their characteristics.

2. Typical characteristics of Japanese women

Of course, there are many types of Japanese women.

However, generally, I think they have the features below:

- Shy, Quiet, Modest

Generally, they are shy, quiet, and modest.

I think this is not only women, but also Japanese men.

Japanese people don't like to say their opinion directly.

When I was in Japan, I had one friend from Thailand.
She is a woman who's researching at a Japanese university.

She said to me, "Why don't Japanese girls say their opinion?".

She purely wondered because Japanese women don't say their opinion, and they are always just smiling at her.

I think it is because of Japanese culture.

In Japan, they think, generally, that the will of the group is more important than individual opinion.

Since they were children, they grew up in that kind of environment.

In this environment, saying their opinion includes risk.

If they say their opinion, and if their opinion is different from others, there is a possibility that it will give a bad impression.

Therefore, Japanese people, especially women, don't like to say their opinion.

They look shy, quiet, and modest because of it.

- Hoping to be the same as others

Generally, Japanese people don't like to be unique.

My wife, who is from America, said:
"Japanese women's hair looks similar."

Maybe it is because they are not hoping to be unique.

Even if they want to be, they feel there is some obstacle to do it.

Japanese people can feel comfortable when they are the same as other people, because there is a lot of peer pressure in Japan.

When I was a student, I also wondered why girls always go to restroom with their friends.

I am not sure if this is a good example, because I heard American girls also go to restroom with their friends.

However, behaving the same as others in a group is important in Japan, especially for young girls.

3. Obstacles to get over

- Being unique

According to the report from a large Japanese company, named NLI Research Institute, the rate of international marriage is only 3% in Japan.

In addition to that, around 70% of the international marriages are cases where the husband is Japanese.
Therefore, the rate of Japanese women who marry a foreign man is less than 3%.


It is still rare case that a Japanese woman will marry a foreign man.

Maybe, in most cases, she doesn't have any close friends who are married to a foreign man.

It means, if a Japanese woman were to get married with you, she will be unique in her community.

As I explained above, it sometimes includes a risk for her.

Even if there is no actual risk, some women will care about this.

Of course, maybe, there are some Japanese women who don't care.

However, generally, you need to show them enough benefits for them to take the risk.

- Two-faced

As I wrote above, they don't say their opinion.

If you recommend something to a Japanese girl, maybe she tells you that she likes it, even if she actually doesn't.

It means there is no way for her to avoid it while she is with you.

Therefore, you need to care whether she is really enjoying herself or not.

Sometimes, Japanese culture is called "本音と建て前の文化 (ho n ne to ta te ma e no bu n ka)".

It means:
There are differences between true feelings and what is felt that's supposed to be done.

After you go to dinner with a Japanese girl, she will probably say:
I had such a nice time!  Let's get together again!

However, in some cases, Japanese social rules makes her say this to you.

(Of course, there are still possibilities where she actually enjoyed.)

Therefore, you need to have a strong heart, even if she suddenly stops texting or replying to you.

No one can do something well the first.

Never give up!


- She will speak ill of you

This is not only about women.

In Japan, people don't say good things about their partner to their friends.

There is a unique Japanese word, "のろける (no ro ke ru)".

There is no English word that can correspond to it.

It means:
"tell how much a person loves his/her girlfriend/boyfriend"
"talks proudly about his/her girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband"

Basically, "のろける" is not a good meaning.

If we do "のろける" in Japan, people sometimes feel bad.

Therefore, if you get a Japanese girlfriend, she will only say bad things about you in front of her friends.

Please don't be sad, even if you notice your girlfriend is saying bad things about you to her friends.


- Punctuality

Generally, I think Japanese people are punctual.

Now I am working in the Philippines.

When I go out with my coworkers in the Philippines, meeting time is not so strict.

I came here to learn a foreign culture.
So I could enjoy the difference of their habits.

However, I am not sure if girls living in Japan also have this kind of feeling.

Maybe, even if you are late, they won't show their anger.

However, we can't know what they are really thinking...

Of course, it depends on the girl.

I think there are girls who are not punctual in Japan, too.

4. Advantages

I spoke only about obstacles.

But please don't lose your hope.

There are still advantages for you.

- Japanese men are also shy

Not only women, Japanese men are also shy.

In addition to that, young Japanese people are changing now.

In Japan, they say:
"Young Japanese people are becoming herbivorous."

"Herbivorous" is "草食(so u sho ku)" in Japanese.

In 2009, that word was chosen as one of the most impactful and important words of Japanese society.

Reference (Japanese):

"Herbivorous" is just a metaphor.

It means:
Japanese young people are losing their interest in love or romance.

The Japanese branch of the American company, Newsweek, says:
Japanese young people don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, compared to other countries.

Reference (Japanese):

That article says, the reason is that they don't have enough money.

However, a reliable reason is still not revealed.

Is it because they don't have enough money?

Or is it because they have anime girlfriends in their brain?

Anyway, Japanese boys are losing their interest in girls.

Therefore, for you,

Now is the chance.

Now, your competitor is not strong, and they are unmotivated.

Therefore, if you proceed using the correct steps, there is still a chance for you.

Please check the concrete steps to get a Japanese girlfriend below.

5. Steps to get a Japanese girlfriend

5-1. Realizing their character and having a strong heart

After realizing their general characteristics from this article, and if you still want to get a Japanese girlfriend, please have a strong heart!

You will face some difficulties on your way to achievement.

However, please don't give up!

5-2. Go to Japan

If you don't have any Japanese friends living in your country, going to Japan is inevitable.

By using the internet/social media, maybe you can make Japanese friends.

However, I think normal Japanese women think getting a boyfriend using the internet is not a good thing.

I sometimes see posts on Facebook saying "I want a Japanese girlfriend".

I think it has the opposite effect to what was intended.

It looks like whoever is OK, as long as the person is a Japanese woman.

Probably, they won't say anything.

However, I think they will try to avoid the person saying it, unfortunately...

Maybe, you should say it to a specific person, instead of saying it as a public post...

If you go to Japan, there are some problems.

Maybe the big problems are:
 - Visa
 - Job
 - Language

Regarding these problems, I wrote about them in a past article.
Please check this if you are interested in:
  Visa and Job >>
  Languages >>

5-3. Joining a Japanese community

After you arrive in Japan, please join a Japanese community.

You will meet Japanese women in that community.

If you work in Japan, you can meet Japanese people in your office.

If you study in Japan, you can meet them in your school.

Please become friends naturally.

5-4. Be reliable and help others

Please don't forget your honesty.

If you continue to be reliable, they will think you are a credible person.

After a while, you can try to invite her a date!

5-5. Tell her what you feel

Believe in yourself!
You can do it!

I hope this article helps you to get your happiness!
Thank you for reading!


  1. nice blog, interesting and informative...

  2. Very informative. Arigato


  3. Good day!

    I love the information you gave. Well... Long story.

    I have some questions too if I may ask.

    Is this counted even to a joshi pro wrestler? I'm practicing speaking Japanese daily and I'm being honest with her, reading her posts and make my honest comment on it. Her birthday is also coming up this June and I plan to write an essay or a poem for her birthday.

    I also aiming to make friends with her fellow wrestler workers and I hope that they'll help me win her as she's the only person I'm supporting her work the most.

    I know you said that I need to have a strong heart and I'm doing the best I can to have a strong heart and I'm patient too.

    Hopefully you'll be able to answer my question. Thanks and I'll read more from your blog for advice.

    1. Thank you for your comment, CHINNY-san!(^^)

      Actually, I don't have a joshi pro wrestler friend, so I am not sure if my opinion is exactly correct.
      But, generally speaking, I feel that this can be counted even to a joshi pro wrestler if she is living in the Japanese society.

      If you are faithful, I believe that she will understand it.
      I hope you can make it with your strong heart!

      However, after you tell her about your honest heart directly, if she says "no", I think giving up is sometimes an important choice.
      If it is really impossible, taking too long thinking about her is not good for your life, I think.

      But before saying it, no one can know the result, so I hope you have a strong heart.
      Please try your best, please avoid to regret later.

    2. Thank you for your advice Kosuke-san!

      I do have a strong heart thanks to the three failed relationships I had; one from my younger years, two from high school (one rejected my request to become her boyfriend only to realize it too late that I accept it and move on. The other was because I was too vocal at that time wanting to be friends with the taller girl, now married but we've burned bridges on the past as well.)

      That Joshi wrestler's name is Riho and I've watched her wrestling when she wrestled in the US while under contract with AEW. I'm honest with my direct messages with her on her Twitter and Instagram and she did like them too. I missed the chance to meet her when she had an event here in Manila last year but that's because I'm struggle to meet my ends and had to earn money first but despite the setback, I'm still continue to support her career even if the future is uncertain and understand that she's really busy because of her work so I had no complain about it.

      Her birthday is on June 4, which is next month so I hope that she appreciate the gift I'm giving her. That's why I have to prove that I can do it so that if it fails, then maybe there will be someone who'll be better and accept it too. When I succeed, I vow that I'll give you a lot of credit because your advice did help me in achieving it.

      I'll heed your advice too and this is my first time having a good communication with a Japanese person. Arigato!

      I pray that even the gods would help me as well. I have great respect with Japanese culture and religion.